How I Unexpectedly Find Myself a Case Study in the Future of Parenting Information

March 29, 2010

By Ellen Galinsky

The novelist William Gibson has famously said, "The future is already here--it's just unevenly distributed." This past week, Families and Work Institute and The Conference Board co-convened our annual business Work Life Conference around the theme of the "new normal'--what the future is expected to bring and how we might respond.

As I participated in the conference, I found myself realizing--surprisingly--that my forthcoming book, Mind in the Making is, in some ways, a case study on providing parenting information in the 21st century. Here are some key trends we discussed as the "new normal" and a few thoughts on how they relate to Mind in the Making:

1. Change is propelled by curiosity

Although he wasn't a speaker at this conference, I begin with the words of Seth Godin from this book, Tribes. Godin discusses the role of curiosity in propelling change. He writes that curiosity "has to do with a desire to understand, a desire to try, a desire to push whatever envelope is interesting."

It was curiosity that propelled my journey that led to Mind in the Making. I needed to reconcile two images that conflicted with each other.

The first image comes from interviews I conducted with children from the third through the twelfth grades, asking them about their experiences in learning for a study I was planning to conduct. Despite the fact that these children were from very different backgrounds and communities--I found many of them turned off by learning. When they talked about learning, their eyes were flat, their faces dull and devoid of expression.

My experience echo the findings of the High School Survey of Youth Engagement conducted by the University of Indiana. This survey of more than 81,000 student found that only 39% go to school to learn (compared with 73% who go to school to get a degree, 69% because of their friends, and 58% because it's the law).

The second image is a very different kind of image. It is an image of babies and young children. They are voracious learners, absolutely unrelenting, in their attempts to see, to touch, to understand, and to master everything. The fire in their eyes is burning brightly.

And so this multi-year journey has been a quest fueled by curiosity to reconcile these two images--of too many older children turned off by learning and of babies and young children who can't stop learning.

2. In the world of information overload, "curators" of information are key

Lisa Witter, Chief Strategy Officer of Fenton Communications made this point at the conference. In 2010 alone, she said, there will be more information generated than at any other time in history. We will navigate this flood of information by having curators--like curators in a museum--who help us filter it.

I now realize that is what I have done. By interviewing and, in partnership with New Screen Concepts, filming 75 of the leading researchers on the science of children's development and learning, I have immersed myself in this developmental research and neuroscience so that, like a curator, I can bring it to parents and teachers.

The ten-year forecast by the Institute for the Future describes one of the trends they foresee as "neuro-futures." Bob Johansen, Distinguished Fellow from the institute said at the conference that advances in neuroscience will make it more practical. And that has been a goal of Mind in the Making, where there are hundreds of suggestions for translating research knowledge into what we can do everyday.

3. Learning is a conversation

Garrett Graff, Editor of the Washingtonian Magazine said at the conference, "everything is a conversation." For far too long, learning as been seen and practiced as pouring information into empty vessels. In the new world of on-demand, multi-media information, that image has to shift. Yes, of course, there are times when we need to learn something from someone but we need to be very engaged in the learning process as well.

The old ways of providing parenting information didn't work for me--though at the time, I may not have seen what I was doing as creating a conversation. But now it's clear that's what I have done. In the Vook (coming soon!) and on the Mind in the Making website, we share the actual experiments of researchers conducting their studies so that parents and teachers can experience these for themselves. My daughter calls it unlocking the doors of academia and making the actual research accessible to everyone. And these experiments are fun, fascinating, and insightful. They fit the new image of learning as a give and take, learning from each other.

More importantly, many parenting and teaching materials to date have been a guilt-trip that--consciously or not--make us feel that what we have done is wrong. When learning becomes a conversation, a give and take, we learn things but we also feel inspired.

4. Storytelling is front and center to new (and old) ways of communicating.

My mission in creating Mind in the Making has been to spur a movement to keep the fire in children's eyes burning brightly as they grow up. In doing so, I share the stories of many parents and teachers.

I hope that you will now join us on this mission and share your stories.

Mind in the Making on Birth to Thrive Online

March 24, 2010

Paul Nyhan recently posted "National Campaign to Help Parents Connect and Use Early Learning Science Launches Next Month" about Mind in the Making on the Birth to Thrive Online blog.

This spring one of the giants of family research will launch a campaign to connect parents and teachers with all of the research on benefits of quality early learning, and help them use it.

Next month, Family and Work Institute head Ellen Galinsky will kick off “A Mind in the Making,” an ambitious and multifaceted effort that will be the culmination of eight years of work on early childhood learning research, why kids lose interest in learning and what can be done to keep them engaged.

Read the full post on Birth to Thrive Online

Night is Day and Day is Night: Parenting Bloggers and the Media

March 19, 2010

By Ellen Galinsky

The way that conventional media thinks it can best reach parents is through presenting what’s wrong–the latest tragedy, crisis or failure. The way that parenting bloggers say they want to be reached is through being inspired.

The way that conventional media thinks it can reach parents is through “what’s new.” The way bloggers say they want to be reached is through ‘what’s real’–’what’s authentic.’

The New York Times published an article about mommyblogging today that captures many of the acknowledged good points about parenting blogging- the community, the support- and furthered many of the stereotypes behind mommyblogging- that many just do it for the pageviews, or potential sponsorship. I’m in the middle of launching a new parenting book in today’s media landscape, and I see clearly an often unstated reason why parents love to blog: to create their own narrative of the struggles and joys of parenting.

We are clearly the midst of an upheaval in communicating with parents. The underlying assumptions of conventional media and the influential parent bloggers who represent the views of millions of other parents seem to be worlds apart–day is night and night is day.

Now granted there are legions of bloggers who write about parenting and legions of media outlets and within each there is huge diversity. But a three-hour conversation with a group of leading Mommy Bloggers in Washington last Thursday, March 11th, provided a stark contrast between the two worlds.

My book, Mind in the Making, will be released in five weeks. This book is a tour of the latest research in how children learn best and how we can keep the fire in their eyes burning brightly by developing life skills. As my daughter says, it unlocks the doors of academia by taking us into the labs of scientists conducting actual experiments (in addition to the book, the experiments were video taped and there will be a video book–a Vook).

This book was written with the online community commenting throughout and I sat together with social media leaders in Washington DC to talk about what parents want online.

We said to them–you are hugely influential and get lots of people approaching you these days. What drives you crazy? That was enough to spark a wide-ranging and insightful long conversation:

I dislike parenting just being seen as Moms. There are Dads too.
I hate the crisis or problem approach. Don’t tell me how I have it all wrong. Inspire me. Be positive.
I hate being approached as if I am just a Mom and all I am interested in whether or not my kids “poop is purple” or how to get kids to sleep through the night. Moms are smart and we want to be approached as smart people.
There is a big hole. Most of us have moved beyond the feeding, diapering stage but then most parenting information drops us. We want conversation and guidance about growing a person.
I hate the assumption that parenting is black and white and whatever happens is your fault. The blame-game. OVER!
I hate being approached as if parenting is a competition–it is you against others.

One of the bloggers asked where each of them gets parenting information.
Mainstream media? No because its approach is what they just said they don’t like.

Word-of-mouth and blogs? Yes.

Facebook? Yes.

I countered: Lisa Belkin of the New York Times’ “Motherlode” told me that if she uses the word “guilt,” her readership goes way up.

We all know that true confession and being snarky goes on in blogs, big time. But still another bloggers speculated:

I think a guilt backlash is coming in parenting. We do feel insecure at times, but we are sick of the Super Nanny approach. We are looking to be connected to others, to give and take, and not just be told.

Are these bloggers right? I came home and saw the mere shadows of what used to be huge magazines and newspapers on my kitchen table and was again convinced that these bloggers are on to something important. I’ve been in the parenting world for more than three decades, and I’ve answered countless parenting advice columns in magazines and newspapers. Things are different now. We are in a transition and perhaps conventional media should listen to what these parents say they want and experiment with providing it.

Okay: Parenting Bloggers weigh in, please!

Ellen Galinsky is president of Families and Work Institute and author of Mind in the Making: The Seven Essential Life Skills Every Child Needs

Crawling Over a Cliff?

March 16, 2010

 By Amy McCampbell

Last year, the Sears Tower (or, as it’s known by its new name, the Willis Tower) unveiled a glass balcony on its 103rd floor. Visitors get to creep about four feet out from the building…and 1,353 feet high above the city of Chicago.

Some of us on the Mind in the Making team were talking about and just how much it reminded us of an experiment we filmed, UC Berkeley Professor Joe Campos’ Visual Cliff. In it, a baby is placed on a large box that’s covered by a piece of clear plexi-glass. Halfway across, there’s what looks like a drop, though it’s clearly safe to cross thanks to the sturdy platform. On the opposite side of the platform is the baby’s mom, either making a smiling face (signaling to the baby that it’s okay to cross), or a fearful face (which tells the baby to stay put).

You can watch the experiment here.

The experiment is so powerful… you can really see the babies reading their parents to try to figure out what to do.

 If you’re around kids, you see this phenomenon all the time. A child falls, and then looks up to an adult to see how they’re supposed to react. Calm adult, calm(er) child. Hysterical adult… well, you can imagine.

Professor Campos’ experiment is with babies, but I frequently have these experiences with my four-year-old daughter. Just yesterday, we were at the beach where the waves were pretty rough, so all she could do was play along the surf. She started off being hesitant to go near the churning water, but eventually felt confident enough to creep closer – but not before she looked back to get a read from me about what she could and couldn’t do. The nervous mother in me wanted her to stay on the dry sand, but I knew that it was a wonderful and safe (her dad and I were right there if anything should happen) way to enjoy the ocean, so I made my face reflect a sense of security.

She’s getting older and her forays into independence come more and more frequently. And since I want to protect her, it’s indeed a stressful time for me. But I have to let her try new things… and as long as she keeps looking back to get my approval, I’ll be okay.

Now, I just wonder who there is to look to on top of the Sears Tower to let you know it’s safe!

Share your stories us about how your child decodes your ‘emotional readout.’

Amy McCampbell is a producer at New Screen Concepts.

Too Exhausted for Homework?

A Parent's Perspective

Focus and self-control -- I'll venture to guess that most parents want to increase these skills in themselves, not only their kids.  But the great thing is that, when we promote these skills in our kids, we often exercise them too, offering kids a learn-by-example moment in the process. 

My six-year-old daughter often has trouble buckling down to do her homework. We usually have a back and forth. She claims she's "exhausted.” But I've noticed that often, after school, what she really wants is a moment of attention from me, doing anything-helping me cook, showing me a book she brought from school, or a new move she learned at dance. I've come to realize that what she needs is to take a break from school for a moment, be with me, and then ease back into homework. I also see how instrumental I am in helping her gather her attentional energies.  It is interesting that by slowing down and focusing, she becomes re-energized.

Share your thoughts: what are some strategies you use to help your child (or yourself) focus?

Michelle Morales focuses her attention daily on being a mom, a psychology major at NYU, and an intern at Families and Work Institute.