Give the Gift of Curiosity to a Child for the Holidays

December 21, 2010

There it was again. That word. I was reading an account of the acquisition of Newsweek magazine by Sidney Harman, "the 92-year-old-stereo-equipment magnate" in the January issue of Vanity Fair. The author of this article, John Heilpern, acknowledged the cynicism that this acquisition has engendered -- since Harman is elderly and since he has never worked in journalism before -- concluding, nonetheless, that this could just succeed and marveling at Harman's "clear-eyed" optimism.

What would he like inscribed on his tombstone? Heilpern asked Harman. "Still curious," was Sidney Harman's response. And that's the word: curious.

Schools Must Be Part of the Solution to Cyberbullying

December 06, 2010

I don’t get it!

In the world of cyberbullying as portrayed by the New York Times (12/6/10), the schools are strictly off limits when it comes to addressing cyberbullying. In fact, this page one article by Jan Hoffman begins with the poignant story of the mother of a ninth-grader. When she found out that some other kids had created a forged Facebook page for her son and were bullying other kids under his name, she went to the school authorities. After expressing concern for her son, she was told that the schools could do nothing about this situation: It’s an off-campus matter.

Yes, I completely understand that teachers are overwhelmed with everything they have to do in the era of No Child Left Behind accountability where test scores determine children’s, teachers’ and schools’ futures.  And yes, I completely understand the time- consuming and legal complexities of dealing with rampant cyberbullying on a case-by-case basis. The principal of a middle school, in fact, recently told me that if she got involved, she would spend at least half her time every single day dealing with what goes on in cyberspace among the kids in her school. 

But the assumption that the schools have no role is not productive. It reflects the old-fashioned and erroneous notion that social-emotional issues (cyberbullying) are separate from cognitive issues (learning in school). As Jack Shonkoff of Harvard University famously put it when releasing the National Academies of Science book, Neurons to Neighborhoods: if Johnny is sad or mad, Johnny can’t add.

Rethinking How We Learn and Work

November 23, 2010

By Ellen Galinsky

Why, asked psychiatrist and author Edward Hallowell, do we get our best ideas in the shower?  He was addressing an audience of educators and families sponsored by the 92nd Street Y in New York City, asking them to rethink how we are raising and teaching children. 

Hallowell answered himself. It is the one last refuge, he said, the one place where we aren't being bombarded by media and where we can be alone with our thoughts and feelings.

It’s Holiday Season—Turning the Gimmes into Giving and Having “Good Fun”

November 19, 2010

By Ellen Galinsky

Holiday season is upon us, and what is meant to be a time of family connections can turn into a time of family divisiveness, especially when children get a case of the gimmes.

I know what a case of the gimmes feels like because my children were known to have this malady--their lists of what they wanted for the holidays seemed insatiable--as if they were empty wells that needed continual filling. And it wasn't as if they said, "Here is the gift I want" -- it was, "Here are the gifts (a long list) I NEED." I always wondered why these NEEDS just happened to be the toys that their friends had or the toys that were being widely advertised. And even though my kids didn't watch a lot of television, they seemed to know the toys of the moment anyway.

As a survival tactic and in keeping with our family values, my husband and I decided to try to turn the gimmes into giving as our children entered their school-age years. When holiday season approached, we would set aside some money for each of our children and ask them to select a charity they wanted to give to. We gave them a list of possible options, but they could look further. They had to research these charities and decide where they wanted to donate their money. We suggested they select charities whose causes aligned with their interests and where they might want to get involved. In addition, as a family we selected a charity where we could get involved by volunteering, such as cooking for people who were home-bound. So yes, my children got some (okay, sometimes more than "some") of the presents on their lists, but they also learned that the holidays can be a time of giving gifts, not just receiving them.

The other day in the mail I received a wonderful gift. It was from Darell Hammond, the visionary CEO of KaBOOM!, the group that has helped bring playgrounds to children around the country. In keeping with Hammond's passionate commitment to "saving play" because it's declining in America, he want to share this book with friends and colleagues.

This book is called The Good Fun Book by Karen Duncan, the wife of the Secretary of Education, and Kate Hannigan Issa. It is a gift in the real sense of the word because it can help us turn the gimmes into giving; it serves as an antidote for extravagant children's parties; and at the same time it really provides lots of "good fun" for kids and adults.

A Call for Family Meals

November 05, 2010

By Ellen Galinsky

When I was writing my book, Ask the Children, I asked the fifth through twelfth graders in my study what they thought they would remember most from this time period in their lives. I also asked their parents what they thought their children would remember most.

The parents tended to think that their children would remember the all-star extravaganza events—the birthday party with a clown, the trip to Disneyland, the splashy holiday celebration.

But that’s not what children said. As was typical in that study, I found that what parents think that their children think and what the children actually think can be at odds.